Instructions

Purpose: Better Communication & Accountability. 

The purpose of the Meeting Expectations is to set expectations for meetings and help you and others in your family business learn better communication practices. Setting expectations up front allows everyone to hold each other accountable. When you are facilitating a meeting, it’s important to read over the expectations fully and then ask permission to hold everyone accountable. 

How to Construct: You should use the filled-out Meeting Expectations as a sample. The current version has been developed to help set some best practices, but you should edit it specifically for your family. 

List Explained: Four bolded key principles are within the sample Meeting Expectations with related points underneath.

1. We seek to understand first

It is important that everyone be understood, but the first step to being understood is to have a willingness to try and understand. You can create a posture of seeking to understand by:

• Taking turns listening and speaking, being careful not to dominate the conversation

• Staying curious to resist judgment (clarifying questions before questioning motives)

It's very difficult to be judgmental and curious at the same time. If someone says something in a meeting that evokes emotion in another, it can be good for them to pause and ask a question so that they can stay curious. Typically, in families, people jump to conclusions about why someone shares what they share. But when you make assumptions without an explicit conversation, you perpetuate miscommunication. 

• Being open to hearing other people's perspectives

2. We respect each other despite our differences

It’s important that there is mutual respect between family members, even if they disagree on an issue. You can exemplify your respect for others by:

• Agreeing not to interrupt or have side conversations

• Balancing affirmations and critical feedback

People are often good at picking out what needs to be improved, but over time, that becomes a culture of criticism. During meetings, encourage participants to practice balancing affirmations along with their feedback. 

• Giving each other deep attention and talking to one another, not about one another

In meetings, the participants want to look at each other with clear eye contact. This may be more difficult in vulnerable situations, but it is still important. 

• Going direct with respect, honesty, & kindness to avoid unhealthy triangulation.

What is triangulation? Triangulation is when a family member discusses their relationship challenges with someone other than the person they have challenges with to unload their feelings and avoid conflict. It stunts the growth of relationships. Meetings should create a forum where people can communicate more openly and directly about their problems, concerns, and hurt feelings. Families don’t always feel safe going directly to someone without that designated space, and that’s one reason triangles are created. 

Beware of another tactic family members will unconsciously use to triangulate instead of going direct: the meeting after the meeting. Again, because a family member doesn’t feel comfortable being honest in a meeting or is afraid that sharing honestly might make things worse, they may stay quiet during the meeting, but after the meeting, they might pull someone aside, to be honest with.

• Holding conversations confidential

3. We show up and share our perspectives

It’s important that people are emotionally, mentally, and physically present in meetings and that they are willing and able to share their perspectives. You can foster a space conducive to this by:

• Using “I statements” to take responsibility for your feelings and to avoid blaming

This approach allows someone to take ownership when sharing their perspective on a situation or another person rather than dictating reality. It opens up the conversation for someone to say that they feel differently and discuss why. The second part of this is to avoid blaming language like “you” and “absolutes”. 

• Voice your perspective and name what you want without entitlement (or the belief that you deserve it)

• Taking responsibility for your contributions to your problems and successes

4. We honor each other’s time

It is important that people are attentive to the needs of others. You can show your care for meeting participants by:

• Not looking at your cell phones unless you ask permission ahead of time

• Starting and ending meetings on time

How to Maintain: You should update and review the Meeting Expectations about once a year to ensure they are still relevant. But feel free to edit them as you wish throughout the year!

How to Analyze: The Meeting Expectations have fulfilled their purpose when people feel like they are talking better. People aren’t storming out of meetings, shutting down during meetings, or doing so less frequently. Everyone's voices are being heard in a meeting. The familiar, destructive patterns are starting to get addressed and broken down, and the real issues are being addressed in meetings.

Need Additional Help?

1. If you encounter a technological issue or need clarification on the tool's logistics, please email us at karen@commongoodfba.com!

2. If you get stuck on how the tool applies to your business specifically and would like one of our advisors to walk you through it step-by-step, consider our Professionalize the Business program!

Following these tips, you’ll create Meeting Expectations that help your family and business communicate better and hold each other accountable.